Appreciative

It’s been tough. This past year and a bit has been really tough. I’ve tried to maintain buoyancy and the strength that I’ve inherited from all the females on both sides of my family and sometimes it’s not worked. I feel like there have been more times this year that I’ve been low than I have been happy, which sucks, it really does.

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I was trying to think of a blog post today because I haven’t written in a while and – as one of my best friends says –  it heals me. Boy have I needed that lately. So as I was trying to decide on what to write today with said friend, I watched a few things that I love and then checked instagram to see a really pretty picture. It made me realise that even though, for me both physically and mentally it’s been tough, the world doesn’t stop. Some may find that incredibly scary but it did just make me think.  A really beautiful season is here, all the warm colours are out and there are more chances to snuggle up than there are in summer. For all the stress we go through there are so many things that you can be appreciative of. Sure, they may be quite small things, but they make life so much easier, even if you don’t notice it or if you’re too caught up in your own stress that you don’t acknowledge them. However often you say that you do appreciate the little things in life, maybe you’re not appreciating them enough. Just a little food for thought.

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So when I was looking at this picture, I thought about my own that I’ve taken recently. They’re not up to the standard that I used to be at, but they’ve captured the moment of beauty that does truly leave you breathless. You don’t need to have a photographer’s eye to see the way the light hits something perfectly. You definitely don’t need to be an always happy person to see beauty in something. I know from experience that being in a very dark place, it’s hard to see positives in things and that sometimes you can’t see happiness in things you usually would and you can feel like a failure for not being normal. But I also know from being out of that dark place that there is so much you miss when you’re caught up in your own struggles, which is hard for you and the people around you.

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The past couple of days were hard for me as I had several things on my mind and I did really lose track of what makes me happy. I reflected on things and realised that as much as I want to, I can’t always be strong or happy, but that’s okay. You’re entitled to have those kind of subdued days, obviously if it’s more serious, then you might want to seek help, but you can’t always expect to go through life with ease. There’s gonna be hard days and you have to just soldier on through them, which is tough but if you have a good support system around you, it’ll made a bit easier.

I don’t know. These are just my thoughts on how I’ve been the past few months/past year and I hope it may be of some help to someone. I certainly don’t want to sound preachy, because that’s the last thing I want to be. I think I just needed to write it out loud, for the sake of my own sanity. I wrote a similar post a few weeks ago, but thought it needed to be reiterated. Sorry for any mistakes too, I’m rather tired today.

So on that note, I’m going to find some crafty projects that I can pass the time with!
See you soon,
Jess x

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What happened?

I wrote last year in my introduction to home education that I felt kind of left out in the education department which is something I still struggle with – especially when my friends go back to school. I mentioned in another post on the same topic that I would probably study at the OU.

Yesterday and today I’ve been kind of planning the route I want to go down. Education is really important to me, as well as the more helpful things like how to run a house. After discussions with my friends, I’ve decided I would like to return to education, to further my knowledge in subjects I love. At first, I’d found a course on the OU that I would’ve loved to have started next year, but due to being out of formal education for so long, it wasn’t feasible. Instead, I talked to my mum about it and we decided I should try to get my English skills – and my brain – in working order so that I could do the English GCSE next September. It kind of stresses me out at the thought of it, but I know it’ll be worthwhile.

After that I might do the A-Level or just go to do the course. It also helps that the course puts your footing in both English/creative writing and history, so it’s definitely something that would be of help to me. I then had a little more of a look (once you start looking at courses, you can’t seem to stop) and turns out the modules in the history degree look really interesting. A bit too interesting. Turns out I quite like the idea of getting a history degree, even though I’ve never wanted to do the uni thing at all. Bugger.

It does worry me that I might not be able to have enough energy to do it. It also worries me because education is really expensive. I’m quite worried about it all, but at the same time I’m excited at the prospect of being able to do something that I never thought I’d be able to return to. I’m glad that I didn’t do GCSEs at whatever age I was meant to, I would not have been ready for it and I know I would’ve ended up making the wrong choice. I know though that if I can do it I will give it my best shot, like I do with (nearly) everything.

Like I said, I am worried I won’t be able to have enough energy to do it. That does frighten me a bit, but then I look at the fact that 6 years ago I didn’t even see a future for myself, so being able to plan something like this is an incredible feeling. I have lots of things I want to do and I hope I’m doing them in the right order. Who knows, I might be out of education by the time I’m 25 (this is my maths though, so don’t quote me on that. Also . . . 25. *shudder*). Or I might be a few more qualifications further than I ever thought I would be.

I just thought I should keep you updated on that front, after all I did say I hoped to be doing more home ed blog posts and although getting back into formal education isn’t quite home ed, it’s still something!
See you soon,
Jess x

Vintage-y room tour (part one)

Hello there! 😀

I’m finally doing the post I had promised a few months ago. I apologise in advance for drastic changes in lighting, some of the pictures were taken in summer and some were taken this morning. There’s a big difference in pretty summer light to dreary October light. 😛 Some things have changed around a bit too, but I forgot to take a picture. Oh well, at least the post is here. 😛

So, we start off with the wall hanging I made in August for the centenary of WWI. It hangs in my “living room” (i.e the room covered in history posters).
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Sorry that it’s a bit wonky, I promise it’s not that bad in real life! I’m so happy to have it on my wall, the room feels more . . . Homely, I guess. It’s hard to explain, but if you’re a crafty person and put your things on the walls etc. you’ll get what I mean!

Next is my actual bedroom. I’m really proud with how it’s turning out, I just need to change a few more things and then it will be 100% how I want it 🙂
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Again, they’re not as wonky as they appear, that’s just me. I’m really happy with this little arrangement. It feels so nice to finally have my great-great grandparents on the wall. I hope to be able to frame a picture of my great-great aunt (I think that’s what she is to me . . . Not sure) and put her next to my great-great granddad (they were half-siblings. I hope to reunite them in picture form). Maybe I’ll soon be able to add a few more pictures of my family on there as well. 🙂
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Also on that wall is this pretty mirror that we’ve had for ages. It makes the room feel a bit lighter and fills up a good space!

I can’t remember if I mentioned, but I inherited a typewriter – much to my delight – and cleaned it up with dad (there were coins in the keyboard bay, no clue how that happened).
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We didn’t put it in my room straight away, only in the middle of last month did it finally make its way to my room!
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With the addition of a gorgeous hand-crank Singer sewing machine. The typewrite runs beautifully, although I think it may need a new ribbon. The Singer I’ve not had chance to use yet, as I can’t seem to get the lid off, but hopefully I can get sewing this week!

I also bought a chair from the same charity shop as we got the Singer (it’s a very good shop) which also resides in my room, although I have no pictures of it in situ, just when we first got it.
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The photo doesn’t really do it justice, the cushioning is a bit more red and the wood is darker, but I do love it a lot! It will sit at the desk I will eventually find. I’ve just kind of realised how much a rejig I do need of both my rooms. Oh bother, that’s not going to be fun! I’m sure there’ll be an updated tour when I’ve got everything right!
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We got this un-inspiring looking side table from my granddad, full of books that you can just about see on top of it (thus making the part two for another day). Mum decided to do it up with the promise that it’d look a darn sight better than it does in that picture. We were going to change the dull top for the pretty floral oil cloth that you can see in the picture, as it’s quite vintage-y.
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I need to organise it a bit more, but I am so pleased with it!! The colours are so pretty, even though they look a bit washed out in the picture. I really love how it looks in my room and hope to do the bookcase that dad will make me in the same green, to tie it in a bit. I bought some frames from a charity shop that are pretty much the same colour (unintentionally, this was way before we had the side table!) that I’m going to put up somewhere.

Overall I’m really pleased with how my room looks and how it’s developed since we moved in. It’s coming up to two years since we moved in, so it’s nice for it to be finally looking like how I want it to!

I hope you enjoyed this little nose, I don’t think it was very good but it was too pretty not to share, hehe. I’m off to make things and plan what to do with my other room, so I’m sure there will be a post about that when I get round to discussing that with the parents!
See you soon!
Jess x