Not sure where I’m going

Don’t get concerned by the title. I have no plan for this post, it is merely ramble. As is usual with this blog!


I feel like I haven’t written much lately. I wrote two weeks ago? I think… Gosh how time is flying. I would’ve written sooner but in amongst seeing Ann and my pally and walking around the nearest zoo, I have been exhausted. I keep sleeping during the day (totally not related to being exhausted, of course ūüėČ All to do with the fact this sofa is incredibly comfy…) and yeah. Not much gets done at the moment.

I spend a lot of time my resting or watching anime (which is taxing enough as most English dubs are terrible) which is a new obsession courtesy of my friends from abroad. I watched Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood in a few days. There’s 64 episodes. I needed a day off from everything after that!

Anyway, I guess this is kind of like the appreciation post I wrote last year (which you can read here). I thought I had written it last August but turns out it was in October. Whoops. Moving on.

With all the activity I’ve been doing this month I have been feeling pretty rough. My bags have bags. I had forgotten what that was like! I had a day (can’t remember what day it was, maybe Wednesday?) off from everything because I felt truly awful. I’d had an early night the night before then spent the entire day on the sofa not really knowing what to do with myself. I spoke to Ann a little bit and she made me realise something. She mentioned that next summer I could do even more things than I have this summer. I then slumped even further on the sofa and realised that I never once saw a future for myself.

When I was 11 through to maybe 13, my outlook on “the future” was black nothingness. I never thought I’d wake up the next day let alone do something like meet new people or have a blog or go out to eat places etc.. Now that I had the chance to plan what I want to do next year I was struck by how simple it seemed. There wasn’t a “One day.” it was a “Yeah, if I don’t wear myself out too much I can totally fit it in.” and that concept was so… novel to me. I’ve never really considered it, but at some point in my life (maybe once we moved?) I started seeing a future for myself. I honestly can’t explain that feeling but it feels so good.

My psychologist would probably be clapping right about now if she knew how much I’ve done.

But just her saying that made me wake up. Yeah, I feel like utter shit because I’ve done so much but I never thought I’d get to a point where I could do any of this. It’s still a struggle but I did it all! It’s been the busiest month I’ve had in¬†who knows how long. I should be pleased that I managed to do this much. And I am. I’ve allowed myself that chance to be proud of accomplishing something.

Sometimes I think you do need somebody from the outside to just tell you like it is. Yes, my mum and my nan tell me that a lot but it doesn’t always work. So having a friend that observes you does help a lot more. I’m still going to mope about feeling awful though (I wouldn’t be me otherwise! ;)) but I do feel a bit more grounded, which I definitely needed.

I don’t think there’s anything else. A new friend told me to not be so¬†hard on myself so I’m not going to end this post with my usual “oops” or promises that I generally forget about (somebody could count the amount of promised posts on here and I honestly wouldn’t remember them at all). *halo*

Well, I hope you enjoyed this rather rambly post. I thought I’d just write a little’un for you all!
See you soon!
Jess x

PS: Apologies for mistakes. I feel like this needs to be a new disclaimer. “Jess does not proofread her posts so they may make no sense at all but you can be assured that¬†it made sense in her head.”


Meeting internet friends

I’m happy I’ve managed to keep up with writing at least once a month. I’m quite surprised about that fact, to be completely honest!

Hello all!

I have recovered¬†enough¬†from a¬†very busy¬†last week and finally¬†feel I can write a coherent blog post! I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned (probably not, I know how¬†bad I am at writing!) but I had planned with Ann to meet up this summer. We weren’t entirely sure when it was gonna happen until pretty much the last-minute but we were determined to meet up! You can read Ann’s version of events over here as hers is probably more interesting than the point of view of the English person!

Monday 10th August was a pretty stressful day. I’m not really sure if stressful is the right word but I s’pose it is. I was pretty calm the whole morning, mainly because I’d spoken to Ann while she was waiting at the airport before boarding the plane was I was reassured enough that everything was still going to plan and that nothing unexpected was going to happen!

When the time came for the taxi to arrive, however, I was starting to get really nervous and felt really unwell. Luckily I messaged Ann and I’s mutual friend, Pony, and he managed to calm me down quite a bit. So shout out to him because I really needed that! We arrived at my nan’s and then had to leave pretty much instantly because it said the plane had landed and we didn’t want to get stuck in any traffic that there may have been on the motorway.

Just as we got to one of the first exits I managed to pick up the signal/3G again (it had been pretty terrible the whole journey so my anxiety got worse for fear that I’d miss her calling me!) and she called me to let me know she’d landed and where should we meet. I told her to just stay wherever she was and that we’d find her pretty quickly.

Once we found the right parking space we went off to find a wild Ann. The meeting was basically us waving frantically and hugging. I think that sums up our friendship a lot.

After we got back in the car I kinda decided to head back to my grandparents as it would be easier than toing and froing for the rest of the day, especially as my granddad had taken us to the airport! It was really nice though and I showed Ann around the garden so she could stretch her legs a bit.

We went home after that and chatted a lot. Ann also gave me the biggest bag of Mesikäpp I have ever seen. Seriously, look at this amount of chocolate/sweet goodness:
I’m a very happy bunny about that. The pile has dwindled slightly since this picture now though. *coughs*

I think we watched a film after that but I’m not entirely sure. But it was bedtime by that point so we both kind of just chilled until we went to our own beds.

Tuesday 11th August was the shopping day. It made sense to do it in the order that we did as Ann found a few gifts and things she wanted so we didn’t have to do it in a rush on the last day! I ended up buying some accessories and a book. I was quite surprised I didn’t buy more than that, but they didn’t have the books I wanted (I’m going to have to order them online, I think) so that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it!

Pretty much straight¬†after we got back we called Pony on Skype which was really lovely. One day we can properly have Esponia all together in one room and not over Skype! I look forward to that. ūüôā It was pretty full of laughter on Ann and I’s part, mainly due to how the conversation went from innocent to me searching weird things into Google. I don’t think we’ve ever had a normal conversation!

After we had finished up Skyping (i.e when it ended abruptly) we came downstairs and mum said that Ann sounded more British and I sounded very Estonian. I think I’ve only just got my accent back to normal! We then went to watch some Full Metal Alchemist which was pretty good, even if I didn’t really understand what was happening. I think I need to rewatch the episodes so that I can fully understand it!

Wednesday 12th August was the day (or afternoon) of exploring something quintessentially British. Going round a National Trust place. Luckily the weather had turned quite sunny and warm (it had been cloudy the previous days!) so that made the house and grounds look even more beautiful than usual. That place is so beautiful, I love it even more each time we go around it. ‚̧

This is our friend. His name is Sheepy.

This is our friend. His name is Sheepy.

We spent the¬†rest of the¬†afternoon/evening chatting and laughing. I’m pretty sure we laughed so much during the stay because of lack of sleep, but hey, it was very enjoyable!

Oh, we also watched most of the Estonian musical Romeo ja Julia. I fell in love with a guy in a kilt. Like you do. I could guess most of what was going on in the story but Ann’s translations made it even better. I’m pretty obsessed with it now, oops.

Thursday 13th August was kind of bittersweet. We went and got some bits and pieces that Ann needed for back home and once we got back home we finished up watching Romeo ja Julia and played some video games, which set off my vertigo so I had to sit that out whilst chatting to the others.

We decided it would be a good idea to marathon some Disney films to keep us awake so we started off with Mulan and midway through Mulan 2 Ann fell asleep, so I packed everything up and spent the night watching YouTube videos and trying to talk to people.

Friday 14th August was pretty blurry. We managed to get to the airport on time and got through everything pretty okay. It was my first time inside an airport so was a pretty interesting experience for me. Ann and I hugged goodbye and we then parted our separate ways. I won’t lie,¬†I was pretty happy to go straight back to bed and I did manage to get some sleep back, though I spent the rest of the day going in and out of consciousness!

All in all it was a really lovely time and I’m so happy we got to finally meet. Just two more people to meet now and I’ll have met my little group of people! ūüėÄ

I hope you all enjoyed this rather lengthy and please do go check out Ann’s post as she included more photos than I did and gave a great first impression of England. ūüôā
See you soon!
Jess x