It’s been a while

Hey there.

I feel that all I write at the minute is “It’s been tough.”. I keep fluctuating between “I’m so pleased with how far I’ve come!” and “I’m going nowhere.” and I think my blog posts reflect that a lot. Sorry, I guess?

The past few months have been difficult. I did have a blog post half written for October to explain what I’d been doing but it just felt… too happy. Too fake. While it was mostly happy (I went back down to Bristol!) it did drain me. It’s been a struggle lately. I have had way too many days of feeling at my lowest, both physically and mentally. I’m trying to correct things but it’s exhausting me, having to constantly fight. Is this what being an adult is like?

I’ve got some coping mechanisms. I read the Fullmetal Alchemist manga (because clearly binge watching the anime in August wasn’t enough!), I’m learning Spanish, I’m learning to draw manga characters, I watch anime, I watch crap films with mum. It works, to a degree. At least, it’s something to do so that I feel sane.

I’ve decided to go back to CBT. I have my first session next week and while I want it to be here right now I’m also terrified. That pretty much sums me up in one word at the moment. Terrified. Anyway, I don’t like the thought of having to talk about the past, I’ve been well shot of it and have done so well this year without thinking about it too much or letting it ruin me again. We’ll see whether it’s a good idea or not… So far this whole trying to sort my life out hasn’t gone too well… *coughs*

But, with all the relatively depressing stuff said, I’ve decided I’m not going to write for the rest of this month. Yeah, I know, not nice to leave it on a bad note but I just can’t bring myself to write on here anymore but I couldn’t leave it without at least saying something about my… situation? I guess. I do, however, have some kind of vague plan for next year. Hopefully everything will work out and I’ll be more organised (lol) so posts should be more regular (and more fun). We shall see how things go.

Well, all being well I shall see you in the new year with hopefully a lot more happy posts!
See you soon,
Jess x

PS: Sorry that this was all over the place. Ramblings as always!