A slight dampener

Hello all!

I thought I’d write another little chatty post, although it’s bit less fun than the last one!

Last year at some point (great memory) I had some pain in my arms that wasn’t like the usual Fibro/M.E pain I get so I went to the doctors about it (to be told it was exactly that *facepalm*). As it would only happen every so often I didn’t really bother going back, because there wasn’t any point. This year however, it kept coming back, with added pins and needles this time. I got myself to the doctor and my lovely, lovely lady took my bloods and had a poke around (we found out the arm that has the worst pain isn’t the one that goes numb! What is that?!) to see if she could find the cause. Well, as usual with me and my family the results came back normal and I’m now waiting for a date to have a scan. Such fun! Now with extra numbness in both arms, locking of elbow/wrist joints and not being able to support my head for long periods of time, projects I was working on have now been put on the back burner. Bollocks.

I’ve also been having a daily nap (apart from on weekends, I don’t get exhausted enough for a nap even though that’s when I do more, go figure) due to extreme exhaustion that I haven’t properly suffered with for several years. At the end of every day I tell myself that I’ll have to take it steady and chill out and not overdo it again. Then I wake up the next day feeling pretty okay and the whole cycle repeats. 😉 I may have gotten used to whatever’s wrong with my body but that doesn’t mean I’ll always listen, eh? 😛

Today things kind of sunk in for me. I’ve been so excited at the prospect of attempting college but in light of recent events I don’t think I’ll be able to do a trial run, let alone attend full-time. Quite disheartening but always the way in life. I kinda realised it when I was writing out a list of jobs that appeal to me (I made a joke with the photography tutor that I would, so that she could have a laugh at it) and then it hit me that actually I might not be able to achieve those things (at least at the moment, although if hunches are correct it isn’t really looking up) and then yeah. Wow that’s so badly worded. I’ve been trying to do things that might not aggravate the arms, but all the things I enjoy (talking to my friends, writing on here, playing my instruments, even drawing) involve a lot of movement that make it more difficult than I had first imagined.

With that said I am hoping that once I’ve had the scan they’ll have some vague idea with what’s wrong with me and know what medication can help with it, because I’m really not looking forward to the idea of having to stop things otherwise.

I really didn’t imagine this post to be as depressing as it was, but I clearly needed to get it off my chest. Good thing I’m ending this post now, eh?! Sorry if it makes no sense, I’m just kinda writing and hoping for the best. xD

I’ll hopefully be back with something a lot cheerier soon!
Jess x